Friday, June 19, 2015

on being

Gosh, I'm not even sure where to begin. I don't even remember what I put in the last post, so if I repeat myself just know it's because I'm too lazy to read my last post.

So I've been home for over a month now and I just finished my 6th week at my internship. I have every other Friday off... today's my off Friday and we have no AC. The bottom of my laptop felt nice against my thighs for a minute. It's the little things, right? Anyways, I woke up feeling drunk. I'm pretty sure I was drunk in all my dreams, which is a weird feeling. I woke up completely out of it... it was 9 AM and I usually wake up at 5:15 AM for work so I slept extremely late this morning. Daddio stopped by to fix my car... nothing was fixed. Did I mention we have no AC?

Anyways, let's get to the point of this post. This post is for those who need to hear it from someone else. Therefore, I'm talking to ALL OF YOU (well... whoever's reading this). Upon graduation I like to think I've grown wiser and figured out all the secrets to life. Ha... ha, that's a joke, I'm not wiser and I'm pretty sure the only secret to life (well, it's not even a secret) is to just be. Be happy, be sad, be grumpy, be hot & sweaty because you have no AC, be whatever. Just be. Do what you love, love what you do yada yada.

But since I've been home I've noticed little things in other people that I've been working on changing in myself. The first thing... love. Who would've guessed? I hope everyone because that's all everyone ever talks about. So let me tell you, the last time I had an actual "boyfriend" was in junior year of high school the like the first month of college (LOL so cliche). I like to think I was a heartbreaker. Who wouldn't? Everyone wants to break a heart or five once in their lifetime. But don't be fooled, I have had my heart broken before, too! But listen, life goes the fuck on. You survive, you don't stop breathing, your heart just feels a little sad for however long you nurse it. Don't be like me and fall into a state of depression over a boy/girl because I'll tell you this right now, it's a waste of time. That other person has continued to live their life the same without you and you look pathetic sitting at home complaining to your own self or to your followers on twitter how lonely you are. You're not the only one in this world who doesn't have a partner. What do YOU gain by exerting your energy into someone who might not be thinking twice about you? That's harsh, they probably think about you from time to time. But whatever, I'm here to tell you to get over it because no one else is. I'm glad you have friends that will listen to you and your problems, but don't you dare think your problems are bigger than someone else's. Remember, we don't have AC... yeah, try this out for a day or two. It's probably worse than a broken heart.

Maybe from the above you think I'm a grouch and don't believe in love. I do, but I've been throwing up in my mouth since everyone I know has started getting engaged by 21 and married by 22. I'm glad you found love at a young age, more power to you. You probably deserve it, too. But, while I believe in love, I also believe in having fun and living at your youth. Maybe you chose to do that with someone by your side, to each his own. I just can't imagine committing my life to someone at such a young age. I'm still trying to figure out what I want in myself, let alone a "life" partner. Yes, I'm still trying to figure out what I want in myself, if that sounded at all weird to you. I know I want to be happy, who doesn't? But I also am still working on my emotional side... I usually tend to ignore those little buggers that come up when something doesn't go my way or someone hurts my feelings (what feelings?). But really guys, there's a quote that's like "you have to love yourself first before someone else" or whatever. I actually love that quote and I've seen a lot of hate against it. Some people will fight that some people just can't love themselves but can still love someone else. Ok, you believe that, but I believe you honestly, full-heartedly (or half) need to love yourself because it's never guaranteed someone else will. Except your mom, she'll always love you, so I've heard. I'll tell you all the things wrong with me, are you ready? Just kidding, I won't do that because you don't care because I doubt you even notice the things about me that I pick apart in the mirror! DID YOU HEAR ME?! Other people DO NOT notice your flaws as much as you do!! I have a pimple... HA HA, I just wrote that and thought that's false, because I have a lot of pimples. Anyways, my point is no one notices that. My secret? Make-up and self-confidence. I love myself and I hope people notice that, your opinions of me don't keep me up at night. And I hope, for the sake of my mom's wish to have grandkids, someone will notice this in me and let me love them just as much.

The little rant about loving yourself rolls into my next rant. I've been reading Amy Poehler's book, Yes Please. I like to think that me and her could be best friends. I never watched SNL, but I know she's funny. I'm funny. Funny people like funny people. Logic. Anyways, so her book is about her comedic life mostly, but she offers good advice. She talks about loving yourself and silencing the demon in your mind that reminds you every time you look at yourself that, eh, maybe you could be prettier. Anyways she wrote a haiku titled "Plastic Surgery Haiku", so for your pleasure and self-assurance, from the fingers of Amy Poehler...

"If you plump your lips
the words that come out of them
sound ridiculous

We know it's Botox
and not your vegan diet
nice try, Margaret

A face-lift does not
make daughters comfortable
when you chaperone

Fine, get your boobs done
but only make them smaller
fake boobs are weird, y'all

Asymmetrical
looks cool while cheek implants are
less interesting

Plastic surgery
requires a good amount
of lying to friends

Can I be honest?
you look like a lady from
the Broadway show Cats

I have no idea
if you are angry or sad
since you got fillers

Hey, shooting poison
in your face does not keep you
from turning fifty"

I think she has a lot of good things to say, and I highly recommend the book. Making yourself look like someone else just isn't cool. Love yourself, silence the demon and find yourself happier.

Finally, my final rant until I decide otherwise, let's talk money. I like to think I grew up pretty spoiled. My parents were by no means rich, I like to think average, but at sometimes it was below average. My sister and I were always fed, bathed, clothed, and for the most part happy. I grew up listening to fights between my parents over money... not having enough, spending too much on shit that we shouldn't. For some, you know how it goes. Anyways, I got a job at 14 when I was old enough to legally work at some places. So did my sister. We've held a job ever since. I wish I knew what I've done with all that money since then, I could've retired by now, ha!

But real talk, money is money is money is money. I don't know what that means, I just wanted to say it. Ok, so actual real talk, money can buy you things. It can pay for rent, it can pay for food and clothing, it can pay for alcohol (don't we know it), it can pay for everything and anything. Those who say "money doesn't buy happiness"... are you on crack? Food makes me happy, socializing with friends and mom over happy hour makes me the happiest. News flash, money buys happiness. I know you're all thinking, yeah but it doesn't last. Also, false (to me). Those moments I've spent complaining to my sister because she's the slowest shopper in the history of shoppers, I wouldn't trade for the world. The times I get to see my mom let loose and get a little tipsy at happy hour, wouldn't trade for the world and may eventually hold it against her. The food I get to eat, like pizza, I will never regret in the long-run, because at that exact moment, that was exactly what I wanted (like love. hahahaha). So my point is, spend money when you want to spend it. If you really don't want to, don't feel like you have to. Things work out though. To my friends, we're all the same age and we're all the youngest we'll ever be again. These are the days where you can act foolish, selfish and drunk and no one will judge you (except those people who love to judge and are fun-suckers, and maybe your parents every once in a while). But if there's one thing I learned from my extremely awesome mother who yells at me when I get home at 2 AM (she has good reason), it's to have fun. There's only so many more years we can spend running around Dupont and Clarendon drinking $3 drafts at a bar crawl. And there's only so many more years we can veg out on the couch until we actually have to start working to maintain this thing called weight. My mom mows the lawn and carries heavy things... I really don't want to mow the lawn...

I hope you guys have enjoyed this. I hope my life hacks will help you overcome whatever issues you may be dealing with. To sum it up, hearts break but also mend, love finds everyone at different ages, love yourself the most, be all-consumingly selfish, spend money or don't spend money. Find what you love, no matter how long it takes, life isn't in a rush for anyone. Slow down and enjoy what you have when you have it. Stop spending so much time in your head, focus on the people and world around you, you'll find yourself richer in friendship and love.

If you need a laugh, I'll be here for you all, don't worry. My next life goal is to be Amy Poehler... so if my Tina Fey is out there, I'm looking for you.

a million times xx


If there are any typos, disregard. Too lazy to edit :)