Tuesday, November 19, 2013

so long, farewell

So, there comes a time in your life when you start to realize who deserves to be in your life. And I am not quite fond of all the quotes that say something along the lines of "the people who deserve to be in your life will make an effort" or "let people find you" because then eventually everyone's waiting.

Friendship is a two way street. You shouldn't have to fight to be someone's friend, and I have learned this all too well in the past year. I am tired of having to try to prove myself to people. You get decide who is in your life... and while they're some people you want to be in your life, eventually you have to let them go as much as you don't want to. And I'm about to let go of a friendship of ten years because it's not worth my time and wasted effort anymore. I've fought for a year to keep a great friend in my life... and not once has it been reciprocated. It's taken me a year to figure this all out, but I have finally come to terms that if anyone wanted to be in my life as much as I want them in mine, they'll show it. Actions speak louder than words, always.

There comes a time when you grow up and move on from what you can't change. If you're holding on to things that you can't change, then you're holding on to the wrong things. I am trying my best to find the things that are worth holding on to that don't reject what I have to offer. It's time to find those people that want to be in my life and that want me in theirs. So, this is goodbye to a few good friends - you all have taught me more than I could have ever asked for. I will always cherish the memories we shared, whether they be good or bad, but it's time to let go of the things that don't push me forward, but hold me back.

The next year is looking up.

-K

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

full circle

Holy crap! The only thing that has been on my mind for the past week is how quickly time flies. I know everyone says that all the time, but I swear this year (starting from last Thanksgiving) has been the fastest year of my life.

Looking back on where I was last year at this time, I could not be happier with where I am. Last year at this time I was finally coming to terms with being in a sorority and being part of such a great and amazing organization on campus and Greek life in general - it has been just as rewarding as I could have imagined and I have been blessed with truly amazing friends.

I also thought that by this time this year I would have been in the business school, but things don't always play out as planned (still haven't come to terms with being denied classes). So I have rolled easily with the punches as I come close to finishing my minor and general education courses. I have one left of each! I was also going home every other weekend to work, and I now have an on campus job that I absolutely enjoy.

Anyways, it is so crazy to look back on an entire year and realize how much has changed around you and how much you have changed yourself. Last time this year, I was trying to reignite a flame with a past boyfriend that should have been avoided at all costs. I had never felt so used and taken advantage of before in my life, and he was the last person I thought could ever make me feel like that. I spent the holiday's with him, all of which was enjoyable and nostalgic during the time. After spending the New Year with him, it quickly spiraled downhill. I stopped eating and started sleeping as often as I possibly could. I reached an all time low for my weight and looking back now, it's scary to think that one person could have that affect on me. I started focusing on school and school only and blocked out a lot of other relationships at the time. It took a while, but I am finally back to who I was before, but much stronger and confident.

I am so excited to see what the holiday's have to offer this year and I cannot wait to be back home spending time with family and old friends. I am so thankful, every day, for my mom ,who has inspired me to strive for everything I want and has taught me that nothing is out of reach. I am also thankful for my sister who encourages me to be myself, even if she isn't aware of it. She's taught me so much and I think the most powerful thing is to not worry about what others think. I am so excited to be able to spend an entire week with these two ladies (and my father) during Thanksgiving break and then a whole month for Winter break!

Thanks to all who listen to me rant.

xx,
K

Sunday, November 3, 2013

home is where the heart is

Happy November! Wishing you all a wonderful month full of fall festivities and lots of pumpkin flavored everything!

It's safe to say October ended well with a fun Halloween/Homecoming weekend here at JMU. I got to see a lot of people I haven't seen recently which is always nice. As much as I dislike high school, it's comforting to see familiar faces wherever you go.

Anyways, it's crazy to think how quickly this semester has flown by. It literally feels like we all just got here and now we only have a month left in the semester and the holidays are right around the corner. However, to say the least, I'm excited to go home for the holidays, it'll be nice to get a break from all the craziness of being at school. I've been thinking a lot about certain people and it scares to me to see how quickly friends give up on other friends and to be honest, I feel like I've been given  up on by a lot of people that I was really close with last year. I guess it just goes to show who you can really count on and who's just around to kill time.

There's also many friendships that maybe I gave up on more than others, but after this weekend, my eyes have been opened and I am definitely going to try to gain those back.

On a happier note, I spoke to my mom about going abroad. My biggest regret in the past year was not applying to take COB 300 abroad in Antwerp. But I've decided I'm going to test my luck and talk to the coordinator of the program and see if there are possibly any open spots and if I can sneak my way in! My fingers are crossed, but I know it probably won't happen since it's so late in the semester. But here's to trying. The best advice my mom gave me was to travel anywhere I get the chance and know that I can always come home and that broke my heart in the most perfect of ways. I love home and my family and I am so glad they push me to go beyond my comfort zone, but are always there for me in the end.

I hope y'all have a great week and month and know that home is definitely where the heart is.

Xx