Monday, November 17, 2014

an open letter to my friends

If I said I had perfect friendships, I would be lying. I know in my first post this month I mentioned that I have found very good friends who I would not trade the world for. That's still true. But I have friends that I call a best friend and vice versa, but I can't say that's 100% true.

So, this is an open letter to my friends who have put me on the back burner multiple times due to boyfriends and hook ups. Thank you. Thank you for teaching me how to be a better friend. Because of the way I have been put on the bottom of the list, and never reached, I know that is not how I would want to treat my friends when I have a partner (I'm not holding my breath for anytime soon). I know what it's like to be the last resort. I know what it's like to be lied to and hear that I'm missed but have no effort made to not miss me anymore and simply make room for me in your life.

There's this little saying that I found recently and it's really hit a soft spot. To summarize it, it basically says if you say you don't have time for something, you're saying it's not a priority. Now to cut you all some slack, I get it, college is busy and working while in college isn't easy. I do it, too, but I think that's what you sometimes forget. My life is just as busy and chaotic as yours, but I would still make you a priority a hundred times over. And that's the difference between you and I.

No, I don't have a boyfriend and no, I can't say how much time a person's daily activities should be dedicated to their significant other. But I do know that if someone is a "best friend" in your life, they should not feel like I feel. When I reach out to you, don't say you miss me. You don't miss me because you haven't made the effort, because you don't have "time". But that's ok, if that's how you choose to treat people, that is solely up to you. Just know that I thank you. For making me stronger and better. For showing me what it really means to be a true friend. For being there for those I do care about when times get rough and making an effort for the people I do care about.

xx

Friday, November 14, 2014

first snowfall

Ok, so the title probably seems more promising and magical than what actually happened. Nonetheless, it set the mood for the season.

There is something so special about the first snowfall, even if it is just wet snowflakes that do not stick and we still have school and work. People's moods change and it is so obvious and warming. Everyone is in a good mood, like there's a jump in their step or something. I love it. The world slows down for a minute and everyone is happy, even for a brief second before reality sets back in. Because, let's be real, the possibility of a Winter Wonderland is magical and enticing.

So, yesterday was a good day for that sole reason. I noticed that when I got home my roommates were in a good mood, and we were almost giddy just talking to each other. I noticed it when my little from Big Brothers Big Sisters came over to bake cupcakes. And she continued to squeal when she opened the door to leave and asked me to come outside to see the snow, as if I never have before. It was pure happiness if I had to put one emotion on it.

The excitement to go home has hit everyone at this point. We are drained from classes, homework, exams, papers, whatever. It will be nice for everyone to be home spending time with their loved ones and hopefully eating a nice home-cooked meal. I know that is one thing I am definitely looking forward to for a full week! But, as everyone goes home, I encourage you to really find what you are thankful for. We live day in and day out like zombies half the time, doing routine tasks that just leave us feeling close to empty at the end of the day. Remember, though, that not everyone has it as good as you. There are kids who don't know what a Thanksgiving meal looks like, who don't get but maybe only one present under the tree at Christmastime. Be thankful, every day, every minute, for what you have. You don't know when it will be taken from you, which sounds cliche, but it is closer to the truth than we like to admit. So, take time to donate food to food drives within your school and/or community, donate winter jackets and accessories to keep those who can't afford it to stay a little warmer when they head to school and/or work. Take the time to give back, because it means more to that one person than I am sure we could all imagine.

On that note, I hope everyone who is at school survives this one last week before we head home!

xx

Thursday, November 6, 2014

halfway to wherever

It has been quite some time since I've written one of these bad boys, so there's definitely much to be updated on. I promise almost all of it is positive!

So, as most of you know, I am finishing up my last year at JMU and I think that's one of the most rewarding and scariest things I've come to know. I am beyond excited to get out of here and start the next chapter of my life, but I am not quite ready to leave the comfort of the place I have called home for the past three and a half years. But, it's time to move on and find a new home... or to return to an old one.

Upon starting my senior year I figured I'd graduate and find a job... hopefully getting one before I graduate. A few things have changed since then and I have been persuaded and encouraged to apply to grad school. It wasn't something that I ever thought of doing, because I figured I'd work for a company and they would help pay for any further schooling. Now, however, I have so many people supporting my decision and it makes me that much more excited to apply and hopefully get accepted to my top choices. Please keep your fingers crossed!

Other than that, I have been enjoying my classes and it is scary how fast the semester has gone by. We have three full weeks left before finals. I keep wondering where the hell the time went, but it's easy to figure that out. This year, I have surrounded myself with the people I want to be in my life and the ones that I know want me in theirs. I know that when I am having a bad, which has not been a lot as of late, which friends to reach out to that will only provide me with encouraging and comforting words. I have come to realize that it's those people you need most in your life. Not just because you need someone to be there when shit hits the fan, but because those people want to see you grow and succeed and don't want to see you down in the dumps. If you're lucky enough, you've found those people in your life like I have. You all know who you are :)

In addition to being able to find more than perfect people, I have been able to really turn my negatives into positives. My last post focused on this a little bit, and I told you all I was still working on it. It'd be an overstatement to say I've mastered it, but I'm getting close ;)
It's more than easy for me to walk around with a stupid smile on my face for absolutely no other reason than being happy with where I am in life. I often find myself thinking of how great things are going, and when things start to go sour, I have found that I am able to flip it into a positive. That's talent, but I won't brag.

Speaking of positivity, I am speechless by the amount of good and the power of love I have seen recently. A friend from high school who is the captain of the Rugby team down at ODU was recently assaulted and faced serious injuries. He is on his way to recovery, but I am amazed by the amount of people who have come together to support him. He is a sweetheart and as long as I have known him, he's always had a smile on his face. Truly no person deserves to be put through any kind of pain, but he should know that he is loved and encouraged by so many that it is truly heartwarming. Stay strong, Mike <3

And finally, If there is one thing I am working on, it's being more productive with my days and trying really hard to let go of friendships that no longer serve me. I often find myself lazying around when I should be at the gym, because god knows what this year has done to my body. But we won't go there. In my last post, I got rid of toxic people, but it's time to make the final change. I think writing it out helps the process, too. I have lots of so-called "friends" that talk to me when it's convenient for them, and don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the conversations and socialization, but it isn't worth it. Because I am someone who will always care about people, especially friends, it's hard for me to write them off. Please, don't think I am a negative person and only want friends who want to give me attention. That is the farthest thing away from the truth. It's not hard to ask for a steady friendship that has a purpose and one of them just being there when one person gets dumped by other friends, girls, boys, whatever. It's not fair to anyone in that relationship.  So that's that.

And on my final, final note (I swear), I turned 21 in October, and let me tell you, I was not prepared for it at all. It's safe to say I have taken advantage of it to the fullest potential, but that's ok because you're only ever this young once. Have fun and stay safe pretty people, you can guarantee I will!

xx